How Zexion knows he's insane
by ChocolateSins
Summary: "You think you'd notice something like insanity setting in, but it's surprisingly subtle." A cute little thing I did in my free time, M for a reason people.


(Zexion's p.o.v.)

_You'd think you notice something like insanity setting it, but it's surprisingly subtle. Then again, hanging around Vexen must have its consequences. I no longer consider his experiments disturbing no matter what they are. Though…why he puts Repliku in a maids outfit still confuses me. I've actually be favoring Vexen's company to those of more…irritating members of the organization, especially Axel or Xigbar. Axel is just….'scary', when he's without his precious blond. I think that's the right word here. Unfortunately, I don't think preferring Vexen's company is the only symptom to this madness. I don't consider myself 'gay' or 'bi' or anything of the sort, but when you're topped by the organizations pass around whore, who has all the dominating traits of a 6 week old kitten, something is seriously wrong. It's even worse when you go back for more. I can't explain this; I can't even attempt to explain this, so I won't even try. Let's face it, insanity runs in this place like it an infection, it's only a matter of time before you catch it. _

I sighed deeply, closing the thick black journal that had at one point been a prank gift from Xigbar. His only explanation for this was he thought I was too….'angsty' for my own good. I knew what this word meant, frustrated in basic terms, but being a nobody made this impossible and made him an idiot. I will admit, irritation even exists in a place like this, but it's more of a physical condition rather than a feeling. This was what I did now when I wasn't needed for recon in the other worlds; sit alone in my room writing whatever passed through my mind. Needless to say, the journal was half full by now.

It was close to 3 in the morning, meaning I was the only one still awake. Well….unless some of the other members were fucking each other, then I might not be alone after all. I didn't want to leave my bed to check however, it was the only warm place in my room, and even then I was still freezing.

'_I might as well call it a night…damn insomnia.'_ Once again I sighed; I've been doing this a lot lately. Sleeping was useless on my own. In fact, the only time I ever fell asleep before several days after I try was when Demyx….. '_I'm not going to think about that, it's just humiliating to admit, even to myself.'_ Despite knowing I wouldn't I still laid my head down to try and force myself to sleep.

_This is crazy, hell, I'm probably crazy. I went to Demyx's room again today, I can't help it! I haven't slept in weeks and it's taking its toll on my mind. I don't __**care**__ if I needed to sleep and he was the only one that could make me, I shouldn't have __**asked**__ him to do it. But he looked so…happy when I did. I don't know why most everyone here can express some type of emotion, but his smile was reassuring. It was nothing more than physical need, I really should pity Demyx, I can only imagine what the others did to him to make him so willing to be physically intimate with….well…..everyone! I have yet to think of one person who I haven't at least heard stories about how they were with number 9, even Axel has slept with him before Roxas came along. I think he may have even talked Roxas into sleeping with Demyx too. I don't know why I'm even talking about this, it's not like I care or anything. I mean, I can't care right? Me and Siax are the only ones that actually act like nobodies, except when he goes berserk on someone. But that is simply in his nature, he is called the Beserker for a reason. _ I shook my head, looking over my small handwriting. I hated having to write in this journal, but I was sure if I didn't my thoughts would explode inside my head. I knew they wouldn't, but I did get headaches from stress. My thoughts turned to the Nocturn who always smiled when he saw me. He always smiled anyway, except for when he was pouting at something that had hurt his fragile self-esteem. He was lazy, useless on combat missions, and completely hated fighting. He was possibly the one who expressed the most 'feelings' in this entire castle, with me expressing the least. There was nothing to express for both of us, even if he claimed we all had feelings that we didn't need to find hearts or hurt the heartless to regain our old self. According to him, we had hearts, in the sense of feelings, and in a way we are more like heartless than we were told. They have hearts, despite the name, and we are just heatless' with memories of our old life, memories strong enough to let us have bodies. He then went rambling on about how heartless' are supposed to have hearts and Nobodies have bodies and how it's weird we're called that. His inane thoughts brought a strange sense of comfort for me, maybe it was just his company that warmed my core and gave me goose bumps. Realizing these goose bumps weren't from cold I sighed, getting up to take a late shower and shake these thoughts from my head. It's late; there was no need to think of Demyx right now.

_I think I'm insane; I've done the very things that mark the definition of insanity. For the third day in a row I went to Demyx, even after I told myself I shouldn't, that he would only confuse me. I wanted to smile when he smiled to me, had to ignore the pang in my chest when he said my name, resisted tears when he said he loved me and I wanted to tell him that we can't love. I didn't, maybe because I wanted to believe him for once. My body responded to his touches more than I thought possible, my mind responded to his voice, that sweet voice used to lull children to sleep or cheer them up after they hurt themselves. The voice he only used with me, like he was being gentle with me, like he thought I would run away from him. He knew my thoughts, I've stated them over and over again, but he didn't seem to care as long as I came to see him. Maybe I should stop misleading him, and stop misleading myself that I felt anything more than comfort from him. He helped me sleep when nothing else could, helped me relax when I was busy, kept me warm when I was cold, and sung to me when he thought I was upset. I was insane not to make him see this was nothing more than a treatment for medical conditions. Only he could make me sleep, that was all I needed him for. Right now I'm having trouble believing this; I go to him too often now to say I'm desperate for more than his touch. Even his scent was comforting to me. He smelt just like the ocean, was just as gentle and beautiful, and his eyes seemed to let me see into the ocean's depths. I might be insane to say this, but I might have to agree with Demyx to a degree, according to my body being restless without him near, I may love him after all._

I slammed the journal closed, feeling a now familiar heat in my cheeks. I was blushing, just like I always did when I thought of Demyx this much. I don't care if I was supposed to write my thoughts in here, those were too personal and I wasn't even sure if they were real! A small shiver ran up my spine, crossing my arms over my chest and remembering the soft hold Demyx had around me last night after he had finished 'helping' me. He always wanted to cuddle after; he said it made him happy for me to let him. So how could I not? I looked to the door that was almost hidden in the darkness of my room, considering option after option until I found myself walking out of my room with my journal inside my coat. I should have left that in my room, but I didn't like being without a book against my chest and my lexicon was under my pillow. At this moment it would be too much trouble to dig it out when my journal was already in my hand. The halls were empty, like they usually were this time of night, so I didn't run into anyone on the way to number 9's room. His door was always unlocked, which always confused me. Perhaps it was just because this was Demyx, the nobody that trusted everybody. I opened the door that led to the over decorated room, a blue colored lamp in the corner giving the rest of the room a dim blue hue. Silently closing the door behind me, I advanced, crawling into bed with the nocturne and laying next to the sleeping body that had already warmed the sheets. From such a close distance his scent effortlessly filled my nose, the intoxicating scent of an ocean breeze. It was fitting for how gentle Demyx was. As soon as I lay close enough to him, his arms wrapped around my thin body, pulling me close as his nose nuzzled into the back of my neck. For a moment I thought he had woken up some time in my invasion of his bed, but his even breathing said otherwise. With him so close my body absorbed some of his warmth, lulling me to sleep with the help of his breathing.

I awoke the next morning to some movement next to me. Natural curiosity is what kept me up long enough to roll myself onto my back and see Demyx holding something in his hands. When my eyes focused on the object I saw it was a black book insanely similar to my journal. While he was staring into the book's depths, I reached my hand to my chest and felt my own cooling skin. With a jolt I realized Demyx was reading my journal, snatching it away a second after I saw his blush.

"Zexy….why didn't you tell me any of this?" He asked in such a heartbroken tone, I don't know how he managed, that I could only sigh in defeat. Why couldn't I act normally around him?

"You shouldn't read other's private thoughts."

"Sorry, I just felt something in your coat and thought you'd be uncomfortable with it there. So I took it out and saw your handwriting. I thought you brought it for me to read and started reading it. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to." He looked like he was on the verge of crying, how could I not give into him at seeing this?

"It's alright, you didn't know." I sighed in defeat, holding the journal close to my chest.

"So….you think you love me?" I felt myself blush at the suddenly ecstatic tone and his question.

"In a moment of insanity yes, I did. But since we can't feel emotions like love it would be irresponsible of me to say I love you while knowing it's impossible to feel love at all. Whatever you think you feel is only memories, we've been over this a thousand times. So even if you say otherwise, you can't love me just as I can't love you."

"But you don't deny thinking, even for a moment, that you might?" He still sounded cheerful and naïve. Did he listen to anything I said?

"I can't deny I wasn't in my right mind when I wrote that. I was tired and frustrated, and you're the only source of relief I have." He started giggling, wrapping his arms around my chest and kissing my neck.

"That just proves you love me." I rolled my eyes.

"You're as illogical as always Demyx….but….for now I'll humor you." I said with a rare smile, which wasn't all that rare for Demyx. As soon as this smile was visible his lips were pressed against mine and I was suddenly pulled against his chest. My seat in his lap was always comfortable, welcoming even. I was amazed how easy I fit there and how quickly I relaxed to his otherwise sudden motions. I let his tongue pass my lips without resistance, a soft thump reaching my ears as I dropped it and wrapped my arms around his neck. Sure I hated being shorter than him, but I could always find a good position to be comfortable when I was with the Nocturn like this. Demyx quickly pushed the journal out of my lap, half flinging it to the edge of the bed where it was dangerously close to be knocked off. Normally I would have yelled at him for mistreating my books, but as it was I was far too distracted by the talented muscle invading my mouth.

Somehow he took off my coat without me noticing, warm hands running over my otherwise cool chest and causing goose bumps to rise where his hand passed over. With our mouths connected my gasps were easily muffled, but still noticed. _Oh sure, he pays attention __**now**__ of all times._ I thought as my mind slowly started to fade away from conscious thought. His hand passed over one of my nipples, which hardened almost immediately after his touch. Much to my embarrassment, which was the closest feeling to what this could be, Demyx decided _now_ would be a good time to comment.

"If you didn't love me, you wouldn't be reacting like this." He chuckled, kissing the base of my throat.

"I-It's just a physical reaction Dem…" Was all I could think to say, and while it was true, Demyx wasn't satisfied with my response.

"That's not right; I'll just have to make you say it yourself." He smiled innocently, such a contradictory action with how his hand continued to assault my chest.

"S-say what?"

"Say you love me." I couldn't tell if he was answering me or telling me what to do. To be blunt, I couldn't tell a lot of things right now. The damn tease _knew_ my nipples were sensitive; they were the first thing he attacked. He gave my chest close to no mercy, and soon I couldn't even form a coherent thought against his actions. As if there ever was anymore.

When his hand suddenly left my chest I couldn't hold back the whimper that followed. But just as suddenly his hands moved down my chest and started working on undoing the button and zipper of the uniform leather pants. Despite the material he easily pulled them off my legs, leaving me blushing and hard and glaring at him for staring. He saw this glare and pouted, dissolving any frustration towards him I had as I waited for whatever he'd do next. For some reason he went after my pants next, taking them off and blushing faintly when he saw I wasn't wearing boxers under them. It's not like I could with how tight the leather pants were, damn Xemnas for making it part of the uniform.

Without any warning, his hand grasped my erection, pumping and forcing moan after moan passed my lips. He didn't do this for long, just long enough to make me scream and whimper when he stopped. He wasn't the teasing type, so I knew I wouldn't be neglected long. He took his sweet time taking care of his own coat and pants though. Once we were both naked he pressed his body against mine, kissing my lips gently as his lower body rubbed against mine. Instantly I moaned, his tongue sneaking into my mouth and rubbing against mine in slow, sensual movements that only served to make me harder. It was difficult for me to judge Demyx's condition, but I did think I heard a few moans from him as well as mine.

"Zexy…." He panted my name, his tone pleading and cute at the same time. I knew what he wanted to ask and nodded quickly, letting him move my legs apart and expose my lower body to his suddenly lustful eyes. If I had been in any better state of mind I would question his innocence. At times like this he never acted innocent, but maybe it was just from the sheer amount of experience he had with the other members of the organization.

There was a light pain in my chest as I remembered this. Demyx acted so sweet and gentle with me, but he could be like this with everyone else too, and that just bugged me. It shouldn't have though; I knew this before I started relaying on him. I didn't want him with anyone else. I didn't want him to be with anyone else like this, they would only break his innocence. If they did that….he'd be more like us other nobodies.

"Zexy? Are you okay?" He asked sweetly, looking concerned for me.

"I'm fine Demyx…" I tried smiling for him, but I couldn't ignore the pain in my chest and it only made my efforts to cheer him up less fruitful. Luckily, Demyx wasn't the brightest of us. He smiled fully, teeth showing for a second before he kissed my cheek, reaching over under his pillow. As his hand retracted a thin tube of green gel was grasped in his hand. _When did he start keeping lube there?_ I thought as he popped the cap open, lightly coating his fingers with the apple scented gels and lifted my hips up with his other hand. I tried to stop my blushing, knowing the effort was worthless as heat rose to my cheeks. The tip of one of his fingers probed at my entrance, drawing small circles to calm me before it slowly pushed inside. There was no discomfort like there had been when he first tried this. All I felt now was a buzz of pleasure spreading through my veins, and by relation, my whole body. Demyx quickly found my prostate after adding a second finger, stroking my length as he simultaneously pressed against it. I swear I could have come like that if he had kept it up any longer than he did. I stopped being able to count the time in my head, and barely noticed the third digit as it joined the others through the haze of pleasure coursing through me. All too soon the pleasure left, an unwilling whimper leaving my throat before I realized what Demyx was doing. The pleasure returned tenfold as he thrust into me, and if there was ever a moment of pain I lost it the moment it arrived. His motions smooth and direct, much like his element had me caught in something unfightable, unhurtable and irresistible. Why I ever tried denying my like for him I didn't know. A mere minute after we started he found my spot again, a scream echoing through the room and I realized too late that it came from me. It wasn't like I could stop it even if I tried, or the screams that followed so readily after. I'm not entirely sure I didn't scream his name, and I don't regret it if I did. Lost in this sea of undying pleasure, I let myself be carried away closer and closer to the brink.

A soft, warm breath against my ear alerted me to Demyx's condition, as if I couldn't feel the need being expressed in each motion of his hips. He was never rough, always gentle and caring with me, but he never had any trouble getting off with me for lack of better wording. A final, hard strike against my prostate had me spiraling down, coming onto our stomachs and causing my body to tighten around his still moving length. The next few seconds passed so slowly, but in this time I could feel every movement of him. This heightened sensitivity led me to blush when he finally came inside of me, claiming me as his. Any other time I'd snap at him for this, but...I didn't mind it so much right now. He collapsed on top of me, panting slightly in time with me but never letting me out of his hold. Placing a lazy kiss on my cheek, he moved just enough to look at me with his classic kind smile. I, in yet another moment of insanity, corrected his earlier kiss and gave one of my own on to his lips. A light pink blush crossed his tan cheeks, and I could only smile to him, however slight a smile it was.

"Z-zexy?" His innocence returned just as quickly as it left, but his questioning tone was understandable. I never kissed him first, hell, even I was surprised that I did.

"I might be crazy enough to believe it, but...I think I _do_ love you Demyx." I mumbled, ashamed I had subcome so easily to the workings of his simple mind. But...it was his simple honesty that had caught me so off guard. I never wanted to share him with any of the other members, he was mine as much as I was his. And if I had been in any better of a state of mind I'd have slapped myself. If I'm going to embrace this insanity, I might as well go all the way.

Demyx, being the easily cheerful thing he was, proceeded to choke the air out of me in one of his hugs.

"I knew I'd be able to get you to say it!" He said with the brightest smile I've ever seen on him, and for some reason...I just wanted to kiss him all over again. I nearly chuckled a bit, allowing him this one victory. "Now I won't have to keep playing around with the others to make you jealous~" This comment had me choking on my own breath this time.

_What? _

* * *

><p><p>

**Chocolate: Well, that's the end of it. Took long enough, I had been working on this off and on for almost half a year. Zexy really didn't think Demyx go that far ne? Lol**

**Zexion: ….They tainted him I say.**

**Demyx: Q_Q but...they gave me cookies and milk!**

**Chocolate: * bursts out laughing***

**Zexion: -/- gonna kill them...**


End file.
